About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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