I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
