No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
