I'm lost and stupid without you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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