I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
