how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
