I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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