i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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