My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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