No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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