im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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