Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
