TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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