Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
