You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
