Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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