I wannas sexs uuuuu
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
