I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
