We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
