That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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