sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
