is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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