I cannot find my penis.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
