I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
MIDGETS
????
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
