Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
