I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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