shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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