respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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