A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
