Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
