Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
