She is in my trunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
