I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
