You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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