My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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