He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
