Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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