I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just crazy horny about you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
