Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
