Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
