i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
