cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
