i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
