ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
