'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
