I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
