im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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