giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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