i just wanna soil my oats bro
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
