If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
