everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
