One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
