my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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