I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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