peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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