u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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