y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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