Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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